Movie Review: Kick Ass

Two words: Fuck Yeah! I only ask two things from movies, a great character somewhere in the film, and for the movie to provide enough story that I get lost in it. That's it. Yet for the most part those Studio dipshits keep churning out bloody stool like Meet The Spartans and whatever abortion Jennifer Anniston and her contractually obligated companions will be in.
Kick Ass is a movie about the comic book launched- concurrently with the making of the film-under Marvel Comics' Icon label by Mark Millar. Dave Lisewski is a loser. And not just your run of the mill unpopular in high school type. He's not smart, or interesting, he jacks off all day to his english teacher. Then he thinks the thought anyone whoever read a comic thinks, "Why can't I become a super hero?". He tries, and fares as well as anyone with no combat training and no physical strength would fare and ends up in the hospital needing severe rehabilitation which also gives him nerve damage allowing him to take a tremendous beating without feeling much pain. Now even though that is a lame superpower, it was a bit of a cop-out as that was a power none the less. Anyway, on his second attempt he fights a little better causing his attackers to just give up in frustration all while being caught on camera phone. His you Tube video gets 22 million hits, and a superhero is born.

One Shark, Jumped

Good lord, does this season suck or what? Simon's obviously counting down the days till he can get the hell out, Ryan Seacrest cant stop saying record needle scratch producing weird shit (Needlessly shitting on Brian Dunkleman while he's trying to get his glory hole business off the ground was just plain fucked up.), And Kara cant fill the shoes of a pill addict. If I hear her tell one more contestant how disappointed she is because they're missing "that swagger" I swear I will stop beating off to her in that Allure magazine spread. You think I'm bluffing, Kara?  Well roll the dice and take your chances honey. I never bluff!
Add all that to the fact that they've recruited some of the most godawful talent in the 9 seasons AI has been on the air, and you have a recipe for a real shit storm. I mean, they've got it so fucked up this year that the front runner looks like a Nashville Star reject. Yeah Bowersox is good, but do you really see anyone giving this reaction if she loses?  Yeah, it's still the most watched show in America, but deep down in places America doesn't want to talk about the feeling is that if AI was a running back it would be turning 32 and going to play for the Jets.

Teen Lesbian Gets Sent To Fake Prom

Huffington Post-  A lesbian teen who successfully sued her Mississippi school for the right to bring her girlfriend to prom was left out and was instead directed to a "fake prom" on Friday, according to The Advocate.
Constance McMillen, her date and just a handful of others, including two classmates with learning disabilities, attended the dance in Fulton, Mississippi while most of her other classmates from Itawamba Agricultural High School reportedly partied at a separate prom that McMillen was not invited to.
McMillen made headlines just a few weeks ago when, with the help of the ACLU, she fought the school's decision to cancel prom. The school canceled the dance after McMillen sought to bring her girlfriend and to wear a tuxedo.
As part of a preliminary ruling, a judge decided that McMillen was allowed to bring a girl as a date. The judge did not order the school to reinstate the prom because it was understood that McMillen would be invited to a prom being held by parents of her Itawamba classmates. Instead, that prom was canceled and was replaced with the sparsely attended country club event.
Kristy Bennett, the ACLU's legal director for Mississippi, told NEMS360, that she was disappointed.
"Whatever we find will be brought to the court's attention," Bennett told NEMS. "Whether it is in the damages trial, or whatever. There will still be a trial on the merits. The case didn't end in the preliminary hearing." McMillen, 18, said that her feelings were hurt, but that there was at least one good thing about the night. The Advocate: Two students with learning difficulties were among the seven people at the country club event, McMillen recalls. "They had the time of their lives," McMillen says. "That's the one good thing that come out of this, [these kids] didn't have to worry about people making fun of them [at their prom]."

I got to be honest, I only read this story because it had "lesbian teen" in the title. Okay first, the prom is like the most overblown event in High School. Everyone acts like it's the fucking Oscars, but the pictures dont lie, everyone looks like a dweeb because you're 18 and you don't know how to rock a tux properly or the girls looking frumpy in the only thing their dad would let them wear out of the house. Proms are all about awkward. So why not let a couple of lesbians into the....oh wait, this is in Mississippi? Well no shit honey. What'd you expect, you were gonna show up with KD Lang Jr. and everyone would say "Oh look, what a brave girl. Good for her, hey while we're at it lets take the stars and bars off our state flag and teach evolution instead of Genesis."
Look Constance, you live smack dab in the smallest minded State in the Union. Across the tracks from Cornpone Hick Station in the corner of Shitkicker Valley. No one is happy there. And I know it sucks having not only the entire school, but their parents give you the "Constance, This is Mohammed, Juggdish, Sidney and Clayton." treatment. But drop the ACLU shit. You've already won. After a prank this shitty, you have the perfect excuse to never go back. Plus, your best days are ahead of you. You're already out of the closet. No speech to your parents, or spending your first semester in college experimenting. You get to hit the ground running from the first day you step on campus as a full fledged gay woman. You're life is about to be one big Indigo Girls concert.

Stop Hating The Virgin

Watch CBS News Videos Online.

Washington Post- American University students are demanding that the campus newspaper fire one of its columnists and issue an apology after publishing a column Monday that called date rape "an incoherent concept."
The column in The Eagle newspaper was written by Alex Knepper, 20, a sophomore political science major. Knepper wrote that a woman who attends a fraternity party, drinks more than five glasses of alcohol and follows a guy to his room is indicating that she is willing to have sex and should not "cry date rape" the next morning.
Knepper, who is openly gay, often writes on topics that infuriate students and hopes to someday be a political commentator. In an interview Monday he said that "real rape," which occurs when a stranger "thrusts sex into a non-sexual situation," is a heinous crime and rapists should be severely punished.
Not surprisingly, the column has already received more than 175 comments and several letters to the editor. Early Monday morning an unknown person or persons collected hundreds of copies of the paperfrom around campus and piled them in front of the student newspaper office, under a sign reading: "No room for rape apologists."
"I have a fun time stirring the pot," Knepper said in an interview Monday. "I don't mind being hated for my views."
Knepper and his editors are standing behind the column. Editor in chiefJen Calantone said she decided to publish the column because it would "foster an interesting discussion." The Eagle, which publishes twice a week, plans to print numerous letters to the editor and rebuttals to the column in its Thursday paper. Editors are also in the process of organizing a Thursday night forum so students can ask questions and share their opinions.

Okay, this is exactly why no one should listen to anyone in college unless they are telling you which bar has penny draft. This guy is obviously the least qualified person to write an article about sex. Straight or gay, this guy has never fucked anything . Only an unwilling virgin writes things like "Thrusts sex into a non sexual situation".  He cant possibly have anyone cool to hang around with and on the off chance I'm wrong and he has fucked a guy or girl, tell me with a straight face that you think he was any good at it.  And despite all of that, you fake posing womynists couldn't take one look at this pantywaist and laugh your collective vaginas off. If you chicks are still offended after seeing this video, then: a) It's been awhile since you had a nice stiff one in you, and b) You are not attractive, at least not to men. C'mon ladies, just look at him. He's like a wimpier Harry Potter but more AIDS'ey. He wrote an article about getting drunk, getting laid, having sex against your will. It be like if you girls wrote an article about Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat, or the best quotes from Caddyshack, or math. I'm sure he got the idea for the article after watching the scenario on Law and Order: SVU and you ladies turned it into your cause of the week.


P.S. Is there a major in college that has produced a higher level of douchebags than political science?

P.S.S.  On a scale of 1 to 10- 1 being high on the couch watching Aliens and 10 being having your balls set on fire and then put out with golf cleats and rubbing alcohol- would you rate having to sit through that Thursday night "Opinion Share" Forum. I give it a 9.5.

This Guy Ain't Got Nothing...ON....ME!!

Does it get any better than today? Seriously. The ACC tournament starts in 45 minutes. Wall to wall basketball all day. Then I take a stroll down to E 14th St to O'Hanlon's pub to do some stand-up with Gary Gulman, one of my favorites and all around good guy. Then after the show, I pull up some barstool and watch as the Mighty Fightin' Wolfpack of NC State take on the puny lowly tigers of clemson.  To be honest,  the show will be much better than the game because NC State absolutely sucks. Everyone in Raleigh is crowing about how they've won 3 out of their last 4, and that the tournament is wide open, and that we've beat all of the top seeds except Maryland. But for a team that hasn't won 3 games in a row since December,  four wins in four days is a tall order. But no matter, I can walk around like this guy in the video all day because until 9:30 tonight they are the ACC champs in waiting and you can't prove me wrong. Anyone reading this should really stop by the show tonight at 8:00. It's at O'Hanlons pub on 349 E 14th st. Cheap drinks, great show, then hoops. IF the Pack wins, I'm buying.

Corey Haim ......what can you say?

You know, I like a lot of people would like to remember Mr. Haim as Lucas, or Sam from The Lost Boys. But I cant because I saw this, like 8 years ago:

That shit has stuck with me like some horrible war nightmare ever since. And the worst part is you can see this slide starting ten years earlier in this next video. when he tries to tell the viewers that he's getting into directing soon as well as producing music (Go to the 2:29 mark to see something funny/sad.)
 You gotta think that fame is a real bitch, huh? I mean, I can drink 5 nights out of the week, pop painkillers,  and eat KFC every meal but no one gives a shit. Can you imagine, living with an out of control addiction and EVERYONE knowing who you are,

Hi. I'm a Dipshit.

Here's a guy who I thought was sharp, well spoken, cared about the fact that we as a society are moving toward all the money being in one tax bracket and the rest of us fighting over stale bread in Thunderdome. He was listed as one of People's 50 Most Beautiful. He had the sympathy factor with a son who had been killed in an auto accident and a wife who battles cancer as we speak. Even after a failed VP run and two unsuccessful Presidential campaigns, I thought this guy had something to offer.  A talking head in health care debates, spokesman for the poor, ally of the left. I actually met him once and he seemed pretty cool. Turns out he likes to fuck things that look like this:

Rule number one when having an affair as a public figure,  your mistress needs to be hotter and skinnier than your wife. That way, no matter what, at least the men will understand. And if your wife has cancer, you better be fucking Jessica Alba. Edwards, on the other hand not only stuck his dick in this, but went Antonio Cromartie style and ended up with another kid. A kid he payed his buddy to say was his. Now there's a sex tape. A-ha! A chance for Edwards to save some face with his manly video exploits. Maybe the tape will show JE seriously wrecking some shop Randy West-style, or that she's a real animal in the sack...... What's that? It just shows Edwards eating her box? Really? For like 30 minutes? Who video tapes themselves doing that? Anything else? Oh she's 8 months pregnant in the video? I think I'd rather watch Cake Farts (NSFW). Seriously.