LOST Commentary: Final Season- Episode 1

Okay, if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm kind of into Lost. "Really, Chris? 6 out of your first 10 posts? No."  So every week I'll give my review because I want to and I'd like to get some good geek chat going in the comments. BTW, I talk about Lost in real time so if you're one of those losers who started watching it on Netflix two weeks ago, you might not want to read any further before you find out that the Man in Black/John Locke is the Smoke Monster. Oops, sorry.

I love where they went with this season. Getting us to be able to see what would happen if the plane never crash while simultaneously showing us what would happen if the bomb Juliet set off didn't work. A lot of people are already saying that the bomb caused two alternate realities. Poppycock! I say. The story line on the island is in "Lost Time" that is to say, the continuous story line we've been following since season one. The "Direct to LA" storyline is actually the future when the island cast figures out what to do to actually reboot the flight which is what will send the island to the bottom of the ocean. Brain hurt yet? Play through the pain.

I think doing the story this way is great. It brings back Charlie, Claire, Boone, even Frogurt without having to resurrect anybody. It also gives us something to watch while the Losties run around the jungle some more.

Questions Answered:
Is Locke the MiB? Yup. And also, apparently, the smoke monster.
Is Jacob dead? He seems to think so and say as much, So why should I doubt him.

The Jury's Out On:
Juliet being dead. (They did play the piano music, but now there's this new alternate reality/future(?) )
Sayid being dead or Jacob reincarnated?
Whether or not the MiB really the bad guy?

New Questions:
Who are the new super-others?
Are Richard and Ben really in uncharted territory?
Why does the island sink?
When will Kate take her top off again?

Discuss.

Wednesday Morning Web Run

-Simon Monjack is looking more and more like he killed Brittany Murphy, so he put together a memorial for her and invited anyone who wanted to grieve to pony up $1000, and then he canceled on them.

- Snooki may or may not have gotten naked for someone with a camera. In her defense, he did offer her some scratch tickets and Starburst.

-Your bank called, they said not to forget to go fuck yourself.

- Mel Gibson is gonna kill someone.

- Why are they gonna add more teams to the NCAA Mens Basketball Tournament? Because women can't leave well enough alone.

Awesome Show For Lost Fans at UCB Last Night

Hate to spend time on what really amounts to a hour and a half long inside joke. But last night at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in NYC was the The Dharma Initiative Company Picnic.  Matt Fisher, Justin Tyler, and Alden Ford of Sidecar hosted the event as Dharma employees and participated "Waldorf and Statler" style throughout the show introducing characters from both the Lost universe and in our own world.  My favorite line from the Sidecar crew was when discussing why the smoke monster wasn't really invited to the company picnic. "It's kind of a buzzkill at a party to get judged for your past sins."  Here's some other highlights.

Curtis Gwinn was in these extremely funny Dharma Orientation Videos

new LOST: Dharma Orientation video. Station 11: Brown Pearl - watch more funny videos

leaked LOST: Dharma Orientation video. Station 39: The Hand - watch more funny videos


And This one from Dr.Coolsex with Dave Ahdoot as Sayid

Special shout outs to Mike Still who played a Math Teacher/Lost Fan Fiction Writer, John Frucsiante as Dr. Alvar Hanso, And Gil Ozeri and Chris Gemberling as the comedy team of "Locke and Linus". Again, if you don't watch Lost, this entire show would have made about as much sense as hieroglyphics while wearing double-your-prescription glasses (I consider myself a pretty hardcore Lost watcher and blog reader and there were a couple of times I did't get the references. Not to worry, I laughed along with everyone else so no one would know) But if you were one of those people who watched all the DVD's with a careful eye then this show was a really nice reward for all of your time wasting.

Tuesday Mid-Morning Web Run

- Oscar Nominations are out. Sandra Bullock's piece of shit gets one.

- Sarah Palin says saying something is retarded is like saying the N-word. That's.......... retarded.

- "We Are The World" is getting recorded again. Kevin Meaney is ecstatic to have a new closing bit.

- My good friend Keith Alberstadt wrote this joke for Weekend Update


- Check out this very slow talking gentleman's awesome review of Avatar:


And Part Two:

Okay, just one more thing

One of the things I think people are missing in this whole late night thing is why exactly people are pegging Jay as the bad guy in all of this. Sure, there's the easy answer of comparing what Jay said in 2004 with what he said to Oprah and pick out any number of lies. You could look back to how he got the job in 1992 by having his manager bury Johnny Carson with a New York Post article. But I don't think any of these obvious reasons to brand Leno are truly why he's getting pegged as the villain. I think it has more to do with Leno being a Subway sandwich.

If you hear the word Subway you automatically think of the sandwich even if you are waiting on a subway platform for an actual subway. But Subway sandwiches are just sort of there. I mean, if Subway disappeared tomorrow, would anyone give a shit? No, because all of their meats and cheeses taste the same  and their bread has never received a better adjective than "warm".

Since 1992 Jay Leno has turned the Tonight Show into a footlong Subway club. No surprises, nothing offensive, only go after the easiest of targets like OJ and Clinton,  just try to please everybody and make sure you plug all of you guest's projects, read some typos that cause sexual innuendo, say goodnight,  add pickles and olives, ask if you want a drink and chips.

Here. Now Stop Asking Me what I Think about the Late Night Situation.

As a comedian, everyone wants to know what you think about “Late Night”.  Not just stand-ups, improvisers, sketch writers, humorists, anyone involved with comedy at all seems to be asked their opinion on this. I think everyone has heard it all. Jay’s an unfunny douche, Letterman is grumpy, poor Conan, blah blah THPPPT! The truth is that a lot of what happens on weekly late night TV is unfunny, mass produced hacky bullshit that is made to entertain the same people who consider The Olive Garden fine dining and don't want healthcare reform because "I don't want to move this country too fast."  Having said that, there are some people coming out of this clusterfuck I like. Such as:

The Winners-

David Letterman- Talk about really backing into the championship. Since 1996 Letterman came in second to Jay’s steaming unfunny pile of junketainment even though it was almost universally regarded as the better show.

Monday Mid Morning Web Run

The Razzies Have come out with their nominees for Worst Picture of the Year and Worst Movies of the Decade. Battlefield Earth still getting dumped on. (razzies.com)

Rip Torn got drunk, broke into a bank with a loaded gun, and accused arresting officers of being in his house. Sweet.

Did you know they still had a Miss America Pageant? Rush Limbaugh did.

Do you know this asshole? He's the reason your illiterate relatives think they know anything about healthcare reform. Now he wants the banks and CEO's to be left alone.